and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
