I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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