Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
