What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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