wrigley field is MILF paradise
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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