totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
