If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
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