bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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