Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
