he laminated a picture of his dick.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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