if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
