RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
