there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
