woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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