Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
