May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
