..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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