I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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