I cannot find my penis.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Randomize
