He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
