doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
