Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
