Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
