Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
