All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
