i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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