I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
