OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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