Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
you traded sex for a burrito?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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