I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
