My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
