He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
