Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
