My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Randomize
