duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
