I cut my penus on the lid.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
