This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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