we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
