I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
