i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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