Will you blow on my dice?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
