'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
