Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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