my phone needs a breathalizer
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Randomize
