were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
He? As in you personified your dick?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
