The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
