Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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