He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
