You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Randomize
