nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
