I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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